Defeat
by Wedjatqi
Summary: Teyla receives some shocking emotional news about John. 1st part of my Death and Life series. Inspired by Gater101's brilliant fic; 'Surrender'. JT. Angst.


**Spoilers**: If you don't like very unhappy endings; please don't read this. Mega angst and depressive feelings ahead.

**Summary:** Inspired by Azure Horizon/Gater101's brilliant fic: 'Surrender'.

**Disclaimers**: I own no part of the Stargate world, I make no money from this endeavour. It allows me to let my muse out to play.

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The Jumper circled above the settlement. Teyla watched its approach with an emptiness of emotion and of any real interest. Well, there was one emotion; annoyance. She wanted more time with her people on the mainland and now that time was prematurely interrupted. She glanced down at her Earth issued watch and frowned. Her lift back to Atlantis wasn't due to arrive for another three hours; which probably meant there was some new crisis. The annoyance grew hotter, but she pushed it aside. Pushed it so easily aside, as she did so many of her feelings of late, and the emptiness in her heart only glowed brighter as she tried to extinguish it. Sighing, she re-entered the tent to collect up her things.

Halling's gaze was questioning; an expression that was always there lately, asking her what troubled her. She did not feel like sharing any of her marriage problems with anyone, even him. She knew so many of her people had grown to resent those from Earth who inhabit and control the great city of the Ancestors and she now found herself among their number. A people from another galaxy controlling their lives; controlling their comings and goings, their freedom and taking half their harvest.

Too many years spent hiding behind Atlantis like a frightened child had made her people bold in their complaints of those from Earth. And though Teyla had tried to find common ground for both parties at first she too had come to realise that her people were right; Atlantis controlled too much. Hers and her people's destiny's lie in the hands of those who rate importance by a monetary value that meant nothing in this galaxy.

Teyla emerged from the tent to see the Jumper land, scattering dust and debris across the flower beds. They had no respect even for the beauty of the flowers; so carefully planted by the children. With thick words already forming on her tongue she marched towards the lowering hatch.

As the figure within began to be revealed she prayed it wasn't John, but at the same time she wished it were so she could turn her scolding words on him. That she would have something truly concrete to argue with him over. But, she already knew it wasn't him now slowly emerging from the shadows of the opening hatch; for John would never set the Jumper down in such a haphazard manor. That was one thing that she could still bear to feel towards him; that he did his job well, too well.

The shape stepped out from the Jumper and she was surprised to see it was Rodney; which explained the bad landing. Then she saw his eyes; they were unashamedly red and wet. His eyes met hers across the small distance and she saw the pain and the sorrow plain there. John was hurt.

Teyla paused mid step, so shocked by the raw pain she saw behind the tears in Rodney's eyes. She saw one tear hovering in the corner of his left eye and she realised that John was not hurt; he was gone.

The ground hit her knees with a sharp hardness that she enjoyed, the pain of the impact travelling up her numb body. Her mind was blank and empty; her focus was lost and she found herself staring at the broken scattered flowers on the ground before her. John was gone.

Pain, so sharp and intense, burst out from her centre. It shocked her not only in its immediacy, but in that she had not realised that such emotion still existed within her. Rodney knelt down opposite her and she looked up at him, to see his lips twisted with barely suppressed emotion. His eyes were blurred and his breathing shallow and she realised she was clutching her shirt front, the tarnished gold ring suddenly hot against her skin.

She had forgotten to wear it so often on Atlantis of late, but had wanted it with her on this trip. She did not want her people to see her without it; for it would only make those who had not approved of her marriage smile to see its absence. But, John had stopped wearing his now, so why should she?

That meant that he had died without the ring on him. That thought was so surprisingly painful that she had to dig her nails further into her chest, the ring biting into her palm.

Tears never shed for even a moment for their past problems now flooded down her cheeks. So much silence and words unsaid between them. These past months they had done little more than sleep beside each other and now he was gone.

She would never see him again, never hear his breathing beside her at night and never be able to focus her discomfort and loneliness on him again.

Her love was gone.

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End file.
